Fred Rogers Was Not a Saint

I had the opportunity to watch “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood” recently and there was one line in particular that stood out for me. In chatting with the character of Lloyd Vogel — the journalist who was writing a profile piece on Fred Rogers — Fred’s wife Joanne commented on the fact that her husband was no saint, and he shouldn’t be seen as one either.

“Not fond of that term. If you think of him as a saint, then his way of being is unattainable.”

The point she was making was that if we put people on a pedestal and see them as above us in some way, it becomes too easy to then say: “Well I admire this person but I don’t think I could be like that.” When in fact, we can ALL be like that. Joanne believes that “there are lots of Fred Rogerses out there”.

She goes on to say that Fred was not perfect, he had a temper for example, but that he chose how to respond to that anger, and that he worked very hard every day to choose kindness.

Risks of Hero Worship

We’ve seen way too often — from the business world to religion to sports and celebrity — the risks in this sort of hero worship.

In the world of yoga and mindfulness, for example, I have come across people that are very well respected for their contributions and expertise. I am often struck, though, by how blindly others will follow them and sing their praises, as if they are living deities that are gracing us with their presence, and we should all be so thankful just to breathe the same air as them.

This kind of adoration has never sat well with me.

Often times, the subjects of this praise have displayed the sort of arrogance and hubris that feel incongruous with the characteristics of a saintly person. Yet I have seen this egotism get explained away as well-earned self confidence or quirks of character (an explanation that often seems to work more to a man’s advantage than a woman’s, but the sexism at play here is worth its own article).

There is a difference between admiring and respecting the accomplishments of another — and using that admiration as a motivator to encourage ourselves to do better — and having this adulation become either: 1) a reason to excuse bad behaviour in the person we admire or 2) an excuse to not work on ourselves, because these “saints” possess some sort of qualities that we do not.

We Are Our Own Heroes

Though it may sound trite and akin to something that should be superimposed on some pretty nature scene and plastered on a boardroom wall, we all have the ability to be our own heroes.

Every single one of us has the ability to get up each morning and make a conscious decision about how we want to interact with the world — and ourselves — that day. In fact, if we’re doing it earnestly, there will be countless times throughout our day when we must come back to this decision, as people and situations may arise when this choice to ‘choose kind’ is tested.

This isn’t to say that there aren’t legitimate circumstances in which an aggressive response is warranted. Indeed, we are seeing righteous anger and aggression now with movements like Black Lives Matter, in response to police brutality and systemic racism the world over.

Where things get problematic, however, is when we start to see the capability of treating people fairly and with respect as something that is better suited to people of a certain character, or for people in a certain vocation (teachers for example).

Kindness Does Not Equal Weakness

We’ve seen time and again personalities in a variety of industries get lauded for their no-holds-barred, take no prisoners approach.

The business world in particular is notorious for the deification of personalities that are belligerent and disrespectful. When will we realize that the accomplishments of these people are not to be respected because of their approach, but in spite of it.

Steve Jobs was — quite simply — an asshole. Even his most ardent followers don’t deny this fact. Rather, they see it as an acceptable — perhaps even necessary — part of his genius. His contributions to the world with Apple, and technology in general, are too great to bother taking a deeper look at the megalomaniac way in which he ran the company and conducted himself.

I find this view completely and utter garbage. Steve Jobs would have been worthy of greater admiration and respect had he been able to accomplish everything he did while being a good person. Those who feel otherwise still work with the fallacy that to be kind is to be weak. (The links between this alpha-male view of business and the pressure some women feel to be overly-aggressive at work in order to be respected or taken seriously is, again, worthy of their own article.)

I have a problem with a business world that not only doesn’t see kindness as an important leadership characteristic, but doesn’t see it as something to work towards or even be conscious of in our day-to-day dealings.

I’ve always found it remarkable, and somewhat sad, that in my 20+ year professional career, I have never been asked by an interviewer for a recommendation from one of my direct reports — past or current. We focus on the opinions of our bosses, and sometimes peers.

The opinions of those who one manages are worth much more than the opinions of those whom one is managed by. Why? Because the first group will have a better sense of how much — or little — integrity someone brings to work with them every day. It is easy to show our best face to those we have a vested interest in trying to impress.

Kindness is a Constant Choice, Not a Goal

Choosing kindness is about making conscious choices every day about how we act and react to a variety of stimuli in the outside world. Some of these stimuli will evoke a strong reaction in us — whether positive or negative — while some may leave us feeling neutral. In the course of our day-to-day lives, however, kindness is actually the more difficult route to take.

It is easy to have a knee-jerk reaction — particularly a negative one — to something someone says or does. What is more difficult, however, is to pause, take a breath, and not let our emotion take over. While some people might find this ability to pause easier than others, to suggest that some people are able to do it while others are not, is false. Anyone can learn this, but it requires constant practice and work, just as Joanne Rogers said of her husband Fred.

Those who endeavour to conduct themselves in a kind way every day, who make the effort to show respect to all those they meet, are worthy of admiration. Not to be admired from afar — or below — mind you, but to the extent that this admiration results in a desire to emulate them.

So, Fred Rogers, I acknowledge your unsaintliness while celebrating the work you consistently put in to live up to saintly ideals. And I honor you — and countless others like you — by making a pledge to put in this work every day myself.